Hiaoism (Relationship)

A Little Thought on Relationships (V 2.0)

By some little idiot who has never been in a relationship.

DILEMMA

Which would you choose if you were forced to decide between your girlfriend and an important event of someone you respect? This tough question was plaguing my friend’s head when he was having his SPM trial.

SELF

It is perceptible that when we have a person, we would like to have him/her/it (so what, I LOVE my PS3 ma) all to ourselves. We wanted a position beyond others and to be cherished before others. But could we take away their water? Before meeting him or her, they have been living in their own way and in their own environment. Their charm and self which attracted us was cultivated and nurtured in that environment. If we were to demand they leave their way and environment in the name of love, what would happen? Their real self would become denatured and they would feel depressed. The charm and self that once were a magnet to us becomes demagnetized. We would lose our beloved and they, their freedom. If too much obsession was placed and a rebellion was incurred, both would just lose each other.

TRUST

Obsession stems from distrust and feelings of insecurity. It is also a concoction of excessive love. Only when one loves too deeply and is unwilling to lose the loved does one becomes obsessed. It is a mechanism to protect ourselves but it actually brings more harm than good. If trust doesn’t flow freely between the two, pressure would manifest itself. The sweetness we felt when we are wondering what the other is doing would turn into strain and anxiety. Instead of imagining of the other with thoughts of love, questions such as “Is he cheating on me? Does he even care about me?” would surface. Should we suffer and lose the feelings we sought? No matter emotionally or rationally, it is just not worth it. Whether feelings of insecurity are necessary is dependant on your own self esteem and the trustworthiness of your partner. The attractive men and women are the confident ones. If we can’t even be confident with ourselves, how are we supposed to retain that charm? Just go to the mirror and ask yourself, “What are my strong points?” without being too critical and you would discover many. Isn’t that enough of a reason to be confident of yourself? As I’m one who promotes trust, I think it should be given. Trust is like an investment and it would make the other feel comfortable. It feeds on their self esteem as they are being trusted. This would in turn make them more caring and loving. Too much distrust would breed pressure and when it becomes too much, the fear might become real.

Companiate Love

Obsession could make us demand the unreasonable. Love is unreasonable but that is only for the first phase of love which is passionate love. After a certain period it would evolve into companiate love. The first phase is when the feelings are out of control where everything is perfect and seems so unreal. This stage is short and unstable. Obsession is situated here. For a relationship to last long, love needs to be brought into the next stage. Rationality and further consideration of reality is included. If our partner isn’t as passionate as us where every decision is made through considerations and we don’t always end up as the first, let’s be grateful that he/she really treasures this relationship. Handling the relationship this way would make it stronger and protect it from emotional impulses and the cruelty of reality. May you experience a great love.

When i'm lonely

Every night you are there waiting to be hugged. You are there whenever my heart is cut. Never retreat nor complain, you are there as always. I love you for who you are. You provide the comfort to my soul and you never back away. You are always there……

Whenever I felt alone, you are always the one to sooth my heart. I really cherish you for what you have done. Will we always be together?

Any feelings are never too much to be shared with you. Any thoughts can always be talked to you. You are the only you……

Throughout the night we hugged each other, your legs and mine are crossed together, we kissed each other. The warmth of your care is engraved within my soul, I longed for it everyday but the time we have together ends too soon. It ends just too soon……

My bolster, I LAP you T.T

Ever wonder why there are more people using bolster in Asia than the West? Perhaps there are more lonely old fart like me=p

The title for this is a bolster for a lonely old fart

Of Blaming the World or Ourselves

Of Blaming the World or Ourselves

There are times when unpleasant circumstances knock on our doors, times when roadblocks are set up on the path we stroll or times when things just ain’t going well. We sweat, fret and swear at these uninvited visitors who ruin our plans and embedding troubles into our lives. We hate them. They are not welcomed in our lives. It would be so much better if someone could invent some plasma blaster and send them flying to the end of the world, as far from us as possible. However, that is just wishful thinking. It’s similar to launching a rock into the air as it would fall down on us eventually. We cannot hide from it for if we do they would just snowball into something bigger.

It appears that there are people who discovered another way though, which is by aiming the rock at someone or something else. That move would lift away the guilt, “If it ain’t I who caused it there’s nothing I could do about it, right?” The answer is both right and wrong. It is right if your sole aim is to dispel the guilt. It is right if you are an ignorant fool. It is right if you want your very problem to STAY there without being solved, collecting dust. The fact that how much easier it is to blame others for everything is undeniably and absolutely true. But it is also the truth that blaming someone or something else would do the situation no good. If someone is blamed for a fault, two reactions would be triggered, a defense reaction and a chain reaction. The assaulted would not take responsibility and pass the baton (blame) to another person. If you are lucky and I mean really lucky, you might find a scapegoat or a super kind person who might be willing to clean up your dirt and shit. But believe me, that is exactly what I would call a best case scenario with a very VERY low possibility. If the blame were to be “crowned” on something, be it abstract or concrete, the problem would just be there forever and ever. Imagine you are that something. How would you feel if you are blamed and cursed by what made you the way you are? If the lifeless beings which we blame are sentient, I would bet that they are suffering from severe depression. (Let’s not sway to philosophy and discuss whether they are really lifeless. I doubt my intellect capability has reached that level)

For starters, let’s stop complaining about the world being unfair, the world is against us etc. We might not be the brightest, smartest, most well liked, prettiest or whatever but we are definitely not the worst off either. Awareness of those far worse off than us is present yet not strong enough due to the relative distance. It is precisely because we are not the best that we strive to be the best, because we can’t acquire a strength we would like that we worked hard to compensate by seeking another. These are what which gave us an interesting life, a life to work on, cherish and laugh proudly about it. They painted the dull world with colours so that you and I would not be struck by boredom overload. Humans are weak. We can’t have too much of anything, good or bad, they are the same. They need to switch over and over again like a wave pattern so that we can taste the other more. The sweet became sweeter and rekindles our hope to taste it; the bitter is harsh after some sweet moments but we grew stronger from it and become more ready to face another blow with courage and strength. We need a ray of light to cling on to, a hope to long for and to pursue.

Well, you might say that it really isn’t your fault, the society or environment which you are in caused it. Right, that might be the case. Maybe you are in a place where everything seems so wrong. Even so, just because 90% of everything went wrong, it doesn’t mean that we cannot get the remaining 10% right. I believe that environment can affect us but we are responsible for who we are. Which one is easier, to change yourself or to change the society or the environment? You can attempt to change the society forcefully but don’t be shocked when you get hit back by its resistance. We tend to resist changes, especially when we are satisfied with our present situation. Am I indicating that we should leave the unfavourable situation as it is, even when there’s obviously a problem with it? NO, that’s not what I’m suggesting. When I say “blame”, there’s a negative connotation to it. It means holding others responsible for a fault you had a hand in causing. Identifying the problem with society is what enables it to move forward. But before we do that, let’s make sure we are not the ones who contributed to the predicament. Let’s be worthy to criticize.

What I’m suggesting is that we take some time to look through everything. Take a deep breath, count to three and look into the magic mirror, try to check whether you have overlooked anything. Ask questions like is it really the other party’s fault? Is it really completely their fault? Isn’t there anything you could do which might change the outcome even if the fault is at the other side? Is there a wrong on my part? There’s a tendency to obtain the same conclusion regarding a situation if we think from the same angle. We might even be clouded from the obvious when there’s emotional upheaval within us. Our thoughts are different, it alters through various factors such as time and mood. A space of opinion towards anything should be reserved at all times.

Ok lo…… if you all want to say that I also complain a lot and say that I’m not worthy to write about it…. I admit it =p

Cry when You have to, But Keep on Moving

Cry when You have to, But Keep on Moving

Even the strongest steel would bend under pressure, what are we fragile humans supposed to do? Stress, be it emotional, physical or environmental, we are bound to feel it. We can hide, but it would sniff us out for we are its prey. An efficient predator it is, reach us it will. Creeping slowly in the shadows, stealth and undetectable is stress’ ways. The good it brought shall not be sought, at least, in this post.

A good friend of mine is now being perturbed by this wretched menace. The post is dedicated to that friend. Indeed, I did not exactly get the source of your agitation nor do I believe you are immature to think through the problem. This post is written with a simple function-encouragement.

Cry when you have to buddy, but keep on moving. When you are tired and do not feel like taking another step, rest but don’t stop after that. A pit stop is essential, it revitalizes you, energizes you and informs you that you are one stop closer to your goal.

Sometimes you feel that you are having the weight of the whole world or perhaps your world under your small pair of shoulders. Do not falter. Disheartened you might feel but the path of approaching it is no different. One by one they are done, not slower nor faster, just more work to be done. When you are not feeling like doing what you deem uninteresting, shove it aside. There are some which you like, right? When you are down, do what you prefer and what you think you would be doing in the future. When you are feeling good and a little pointless work would not bring you down, do the petty work. If your emotions are at the base of the canyon, with tears at the brink of bursting, don’t hold it. You can pour it here or you can pour it there for you have friends everywhere. Keep on moving, buddy.

The feelings i never acknowledged........

I never believed……
I never thought……
I never felt……

Was it the feeling which I never believed? Was it the feeling I thought I would never feel? I’m feeling it now though even when I never thought I would……

I never believe that my emotions would be felt so strongly….. Rational and calculative are traits which I pride myself on and I believe that these two won’t coexist with emotions. A perception, the assumption that my moods and emotions hardly fluctuate kept me thinking that I wouldn’t be so attached to someone ever. Tears are rarely shed for anyone nor are there any longing for anyone except self induced attachment. Despite saying that I like something or someone I know I am just saying and asking myself to feel that way. Now, I don’t know whether I can still maintain what I perceived as myself……..

The thought of you flows through my mind every now and then. Nearly everything I see or hear conjures your image in my mind. You pop out in my mind ever so frequently and made me wonder what am I feeling. My only source of interpretation about this sort of fondness and longing comes from the media which encompasses movies, animes, comics and songs. I theorized that those are just parts of the plots of the story, an instrument to entice the viewers’ attention and interest, deducing that such circumstances would never occur in real life. A conclusion regarding the popularity of a story, those which are popular never fails to evoke the emotions within humans I came across long ago yet I didn’t, in this case, apply it. A resonance between the viewer and the story is vital to propel it to greatness. Then, why didn’t I believe that it exists? Perhaps, I never believed that I would have a chance to experience it? Maybe, when there is an inability to obtain what I desire, the self protecting mechanism embedded within me did that to shield me from harm. Deep within me, I know I yearn for it yet how am I supposed to admit it when I deemed it impossible for me to get it?

The moments with you are too precious and magical that the act of putting it down in words would be undermining how I felt precisely for I am unable to express myself the way I would like to. I longed to see you online as that would augur an interesting conversation.

Lately though, there isn’t much chance for even a nice conversation. A rift came into the picture, the rift titled “responsibilities”. Entertainment’s rightful place in form 5 is only a handful and for that it is to be ceased. For weeks communications and interactions betwixt us came to a halt. I hope to rekindle a tiny bit of it and believe it would start again but for weeks I have waited with fruitless results. When interactions cannot be brought outside it can be done internally. This is probably the time for the different sides of me to interact and to think through about what I felt. As time proceeds in its path, I found the feelings surged with more vigor than ever and I came closer to that feeling which I denied its existence……..

Help rendered without sincerity should be applauded too

Now, before anyone flame me for my title please halt. I am not indicating that help shouldn’t be given sincerely. First and foremost, I admire those who can put aside their self-interest for the sake of others. They are worthy of receiving salutations. A subject which crossed my mind am I going to delve deeper into would be that some held just isn’t rendered without any ulterior motives.

There exist those who help to receive in return. Sometimes, they are condemned for lacking sincerity, sometimes, they are said to be inhumane. Are they still human for they are extracting their greedy gains from those who need help and their suffering?

Let’s take donation for example. Let us say the person who is donating a lump sum of $100,000 to the victims of blab la bla is called Mr Hiao. The only reason Mr Hiao is willing to part with his money is because he gains something by doing so. It is a four letter word which starts with the letter F.

F _ _ _

Now for the million cents answer….. I don’t know what ran through your mind just now but the answer to that question is Fame.

The “opportunistic” Hiao hopes to be under the spotlight of fame. He announced the sum he would be donating. Not only that, he made a BIG deal out of it, inviting the media to publicize his philanthropic efforts. Obviously the public isn’t fools. Their X-ray vision can see through his true intentions like a goldfish in a bowl. He is condemned for his actions.

If you were one of the public, would you hate him and regard him in disgust?

Objective question

A Yes B No

In my opinion, many would probably pick A as we are taught to believe that help must be given sincerely without expecting any in return. There are people needing our assistance and we should just give them generously. Should we, really condemn him for his actions? I don’t think so…..

So what if this Mr Hiao didn’t offer his donations with sincerity? So what if he wants to gain a little publicity for himself? Let’s go through the very purpose of a donation. In this case, the donations are made to ease the victims of their agony. By giving them some assistance in terms of cash we are relieving them of their financial burden. In other words, the victims receive their aid by us giving donations even if the donations aren’t given sincerely.

Why should we condemn those who decide to gain something from it then? Those who seek fame via charity actually pay a lot for it. In the end, the victims receive more. Our real aim is to help the victims after all. Besides, allowing them some five minutes of fame wouldn’t hurt us, right?

ignorable rants

Do you ever have the feeling that you are powerless? This is the feeling I dread the most. There are times where I opt to help those whom I care for, but either I’m powerless or don’t know where to start. When people are crying in the heart and I don’t even know how to make them feel better….. I’m never a good joker and I cannot say that I understand how they feel as if I really do. I wanted to say cheer up but saying that would only lead their mind to remember what hurts them. When they are sad and all I can do is sit here and look without any clues to help.

I noticed that sometimes I think too much. I worried a lot about how others felt. Every single thing I do, I would think how they would think of me if I do this or that. Would they mind? Is it appropriate? Should I do it? The fun factor has been taken out of my life because of this. It made me felt that I’m a boring guy. As a result of all the possible consequences which I calculated, I ended up doing nothing. Let’s say when there’s a time when I would like to sms and ask about a person’s condition. Questions which crossed my mind would include:” am I being annoying? Am I kaypo? Would they be too busy for this message? Is there even any difference to the receiver if someone asked about their condition (they certainly wouldn’t feel any better)? It might even be a nuisance for them to reply the message. Everyone probably did that if there’s something and is it necessary to pile up the task of replying?

Could this be because of my rationality? Is it possible that it is inhibiting my emotional self? Personally I don’t think there’s much help when someone is asking about others’ condition even though they might be caring for the other. But then again, wouldn’t that remind the person of his/her woes? Does a simple act of care works? Would it really alleviate the problem?

Sometimes when I show some act of “kindness”, I myself would doubt my own effort. Am I really doing this out of sincerity or is there any ulterior motives hidden within me. Maybe a friend of mine has a problem and I tried to help him. But am I really helping him or am I helping myself? Somehow I felt that by helping him I am helping myself. The person is indebted to me because I helped him so he would help me when I need it. I’m merely a selfish person……

Dedication to a friend

This blog is dedicated to a friend whom I always neglect.

I have a friend who is probably my first friend since primary. It has been 11 years now since I knew him. Perhaps, I have been taking this hard-built friendship for granted; something which I have been regretting but still couldn’t muster enough courage to admit it. Before I say anything, I would like to list out every wrong which I could recall.

I am at fault for being lazy to start up a conversation even when you are there eager to chat. I am wrong for taking your friendship for granted without even showing the appreciation it deserves. You definitely don’t deserve that. I am not treating you fairly whenever I raise my voice over some small matters which really aren’t that much of a big deal, especially when I wouldn’t do the same to others. I do realize that but it somehow became a habit of mine, a habit which shouldn’t even exist. Just because you are an old friend of mine doesn’t mean that I am allowed to get impatient at you when I am usually not like that with other people.

It is not that I have never seen you in a good light before. The absence of patience always manages to fuel my insolence. You are a sincere friend, one who really cares for your friends with all his heart. Everyone is treated equally with care. Why couldn’t I be like that? Why do I always place different priorities even among friends? The word honesty belongs to you. You are always honest with us and would speak out your mind about what you think and feel. The group couldn’t be lively without your presence. Joy and laughter trails behind you wherever you go. I really do appreciate the fun you brought to us even though I might not be laughing, I might be biting my inner cheeks without you guys realizing it.

There is another thing which I deeply regret…. That is to expect so much out of you. Sometimes I might be harsh; I might even blabber out unpleasant words at you. I believe that pressure would have either one of the two effects on men. One is that the man would succumb to pressure and fall, hopes and dreams shattered while the other is the man would strive, working ever so harder to accomplish his aims and goals, fortifying his dreams and hopes. The latter, could reach for the stars if he wanted to. I sincerely hope that you are not the former. However, I am at fault, for I have never taken into accounts of your feelings and I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve.

I am not perfect yet I am expecting you to be perfect. Why should I be doing that when you are just being yourself, learning at your own pace. I found within myself that you are a partial reflection of my past self. I noticed that you did many things which I had done a while ago. I really don’t want you to repeat my own mistakes but I end up criticizing a lot of what you did. I learned about my own mistakes after some deep thought. Now, why couldn’t I just place some much needed trust on you and believe that you can learn about it yourself. You do not need a nanny by your side right? You are a man and a friend whom I trust, one who can reason, think and learn from your own experience, at your own pace….

I do not know how you would find this entry. Maybe I am cold and harsh, and for that I apologize. The external layers of cold dead skin cells wouldn't cover my warm hope for you, would it? Today, I know about your dream and ambition. Why don’t you go find out more about it and plan out your path? Wouldn’t that make your future path easier and more perceivable? Remember not to back down from obstacles but to embrace it and never let anyone say NO, you can’t do it, not even me. People say that because they themselves couldn’t but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t. (You know where I got this quote: P) When you have an aim, you would be like a plane flying towards a destination, there might be turbulences at times but you would still reach it. Work Hard my friend and sorry for being a bad friend that I have been.

That day is here again folks~~~

Ok =.= Now =.= a few days later is you know what day. The day where everyone gets lovey dovey and we nerds can only look and sulk. Everyone is out there dating, hugging, kissing and whatever and we are here looking at our trusty old com who would never abandon us(sometimes it hang though)

NOW, DO YOU WANNA BE A NERD WITH NO VALENTINE FOREVER? OR WE WANT TO STAND UP AND FIGHT! FIGHT FOR OUR LOVE! LET US NERDS STAND UNITED!!!

ok la, maybe i can't get a chance to date a girl so i would just be buying chocolates for myself and bring it to school~~~~ at least people think there's people who is giving you chocs:p here's how it's supposed to work.

Tomorrow is sunday right?

Let's go to gurney and buy some good chocolates. YUMMY~~~~~

Imagine, the rich texture of the smooth dark chocolate~~~ melting in your mouth. The flavour~~~~ the aroma~~~~



BUT YOU BOUGHT IT FOR YOURSELF SO IT WOULDN'T BE AS SWEET HAIZZZZZ



After that, go home and wrap it nicely. Start typing a letter of admiration straight after that. Here's an example.

Dear HANDSOME, COOL, NICE ............... ETHEREAL X AVENGER.

Um...... well..... this might be sudden but i must ask you of this. Can you please be my valentine?
PS: you can add how much that "person" loves you in whatever way you want. I am not elaborating as i am not confident in writing it=.= (YOU CAN'T BLAME ME, I NEVER RECEIVED ANY BEFORE)
Please add sealed with a kiss at the end of the message~~~~ and put it in a pink envelope.

Next, on the day before valentine, bring it to school. Hide it under your drawer and act SHOCKED when you "found" out that you just got a chocolate. At least you can think and "feel" that you received one.


But i don't think any of you would be doing that right=.= neither would i -,- I accept the fact that nobody wants me with pride T.T time to get some tissue T.T buy guys T.T

Wish everyone a HAPPY VALENTINE^^
Those who don;t have one ..... like me T.T We can still spend it with our family and friends ^^ or find something nice to do with the day. The time will come when someone who loves you appear. Just be patient^^

An Eye Opener=.=

As you all SHOULD have known, I have been to Bangkok just recently(a few days ago to be precise). I really got to tell you that I'm fascinated by the airport's.... TOILET. It is sooo high-tech that i felt like some idiot. (Maybe i am one, or should i say i AM ONE) There are five memorable incidents which is engraved into my mind ~~~~ Never have i felt so=.= "clever", especially in public toilets. I deemed myself knowledgeable about TOILETS.(knowledgeable as in i have been a toiler user for 17 years=.=")

Ahhhh~~~~~ After two hours of flight i finally touched down at SuvarnaBhumi Airport. This cute and chubby plane lifted me through the air. The first thing that i need to do after touching down is of course to visit the toilet.

The toilet is clean and hygienic with a black marble finish, speaking about elegance=.= I picked a nice place to settle some BIG business. After that, i tried to open the door by pulling it. OH NO, IT WON'T BUDGE. I was stucked. I kept on pulling and pulling but it just won't budge. Suddenly, with a slight push, the door moves=.= Ok..... everyone makes mistakes. I am not to be blamed. I am perfectly normal~~~~
Well... you know i'm a hygienic person~~~~, i have to go wash my hands right? The tap is sensor activated. There i was figuring how the heck should i be doing to get the water start flowing. It took me a good 2 minutes to place my fingers on the sensor=.= There was another incident with a tap too. That tap was also sensor activated. My fingers were on the part of the tap which indicates that the tap is sensor-activated. I only know how to start it after removing my hands from it. The Last Incident which i have with the toilet is the most mentally and physically tormenting. My body was reaching its limit in withholding the chunk of gold from coming out. I ran into the toilet and found out that all the doors were shut. Assuming that the toilets are occupied, i kept on waiting and waiting. It felt like years of torment=.= THANK GOD one of the staffs from the hotel came in and pushed one of the doors...... IT IS NOT OCCUPIED. WHAT WAS I WAITING FOR. FREE suffering?=.=

Basically those are all the experiences which i have from the trip. I'm wondering is there any other people who went through the same kind of situation as me:P Thanks for reading:P

I'm abnormal=.=

Well I don't know this about anyone else but personally i felt that i am a bit self contradicting in certain stuffs. Sometimes when i see someone having a negative trait i would hate him.(Well, of course, everyone do that) IF that person has a negative trait which i have =.= I WOULD HATE HIM EVEN MORE!!! I really don't want others to make the same mistake as i did. Thus, i find myself looking down on that person from within. I am actually hating my own self for that negative trait.

Take this for example. I kept on hearing people complaining:
WOAH I AM SOOOO BUSY!
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!
NO TIME LAH!
Sounds familiar?

When someone says that, my first reaction would be, i hate this guy=.= The reason i hate him?
1.) i always waste my time:P
2.)I believe that time can be gathered, bit by bit, little by little.
3.)I believe that there is always time which we didn't harness.

Do I have a problem for hating someone who possess my own negative trait? Please vote :P

Dreamy Indulgence

DREAMY INDULGENCE

28 Jan 2007, a date that i would never forget. Now you all, my friends know that i am sort of a geek like of person and my age is equal to the number of years that i am single. However, everything changed today.... I just went on a DATE !!!!! This is my first DATE. Maybe many of you might think it is no big deal but it is ONE BIG DEAL for me. I have always been having trouble with girls as i don't know how to communicate with them. Having a date is like IMPOSSIBLE.... well, at least in my case. There i was in Gurney. Reminiscing about this really invigorates me. I have never had such a beautiful experience

I met her and yes she is GORGEOUS! We were having a brief chat. She suddenly asked me about Noah's Ark on who would i bring with if i were to board it. Then, i thought...... (haiz, even if i want to bring people with me also got nobody wants to be with me T.T), I told her what i thought. Then.... imagine what happened....

Without me knowing it, we are already holding hands and going to Gurney. I have never EVER held a girl's hand before in my entire life. The feeling is really ineffable. Who would have thought that i would get a chance to hold her hands. We walked towards a fashion boutique, holding each other's hands. While walking we passed through a couple and they walked in between us. We split our hands T.T (this happened while i was trying my very best to savour the moments T.T) and then we reached the store.

While we were admiring some clothes, my cellphone rang, the sound of an SMS. This is when....... I woke up..... A beautiful dream which was just starting T.T ENDED T.T

OKOK, I know you guys are booing and whatever:P but at least i dreamt that i went out on a date:p Although i can't experience it in real life but i have a right to dream RIGHT?:p It is still SO wonderful T.T

PS: Anyone who is interested in whacking me can do that first to your monitor. Three easy steps:

1.) imagine that computer is me~~~
2.)IMAGINE that your fist is your hammer~~~
3.)SMASH IT with your fist.

Don't forget to recycle the used monitor and get a new lcd. (LCD's power consumption is around 20 percent of CRT, let's help save the earth shall we :) )