Do you ever have the feeling that you are powerless? This is the feeling I dread the most. There are times where I opt to help those whom I care for, but either I’m powerless or don’t know where to start. When people are crying in the heart and I don’t even know how to make them feel better….. I’m never a good joker and I cannot say that I understand how they feel as if I really do. I wanted to say cheer up but saying that would only lead their mind to remember what hurts them. When they are sad and all I can do is sit here and look without any clues to help.
I noticed that sometimes I think too much. I worried a lot about how others felt. Every single thing I do, I would think how they would think of me if I do this or that. Would they mind? Is it appropriate? Should I do it? The fun factor has been taken out of my life because of this. It made me felt that I’m a boring guy. As a result of all the possible consequences which I calculated, I ended up doing nothing. Let’s say when there’s a time when I would like to sms and ask about a person’s condition. Questions which crossed my mind would include:” am I being annoying? Am I kaypo? Would they be too busy for this message? Is there even any difference to the receiver if someone asked about their condition (they certainly wouldn’t feel any better)? It might even be a nuisance for them to reply the message. Everyone probably did that if there’s something and is it necessary to pile up the task of replying?
Could this be because of my rationality? Is it possible that it is inhibiting my emotional self? Personally I don’t think there’s much help when someone is asking about others’ condition even though they might be caring for the other. But then again, wouldn’t that remind the person of his/her woes? Does a simple act of care works? Would it really alleviate the problem?
Sometimes when I show some act of “kindness”, I myself would doubt my own effort. Am I really doing this out of sincerity or is there any ulterior motives hidden within me. Maybe a friend of mine has a problem and I tried to help him. But am I really helping him or am I helping myself? Somehow I felt that by helping him I am helping myself. The person is indebted to me because I helped him so he would help me when I need it. I’m merely a selfish person……
