Hiaoism (Relationship)

A Little Thought on Relationships (V 2.0)

By some little idiot who has never been in a relationship.

DILEMMA

Which would you choose if you were forced to decide between your girlfriend and an important event of someone you respect? This tough question was plaguing my friend’s head when he was having his SPM trial.

SELF

It is perceptible that when we have a person, we would like to have him/her/it (so what, I LOVE my PS3 ma) all to ourselves. We wanted a position beyond others and to be cherished before others. But could we take away their water? Before meeting him or her, they have been living in their own way and in their own environment. Their charm and self which attracted us was cultivated and nurtured in that environment. If we were to demand they leave their way and environment in the name of love, what would happen? Their real self would become denatured and they would feel depressed. The charm and self that once were a magnet to us becomes demagnetized. We would lose our beloved and they, their freedom. If too much obsession was placed and a rebellion was incurred, both would just lose each other.

TRUST

Obsession stems from distrust and feelings of insecurity. It is also a concoction of excessive love. Only when one loves too deeply and is unwilling to lose the loved does one becomes obsessed. It is a mechanism to protect ourselves but it actually brings more harm than good. If trust doesn’t flow freely between the two, pressure would manifest itself. The sweetness we felt when we are wondering what the other is doing would turn into strain and anxiety. Instead of imagining of the other with thoughts of love, questions such as “Is he cheating on me? Does he even care about me?” would surface. Should we suffer and lose the feelings we sought? No matter emotionally or rationally, it is just not worth it. Whether feelings of insecurity are necessary is dependant on your own self esteem and the trustworthiness of your partner. The attractive men and women are the confident ones. If we can’t even be confident with ourselves, how are we supposed to retain that charm? Just go to the mirror and ask yourself, “What are my strong points?” without being too critical and you would discover many. Isn’t that enough of a reason to be confident of yourself? As I’m one who promotes trust, I think it should be given. Trust is like an investment and it would make the other feel comfortable. It feeds on their self esteem as they are being trusted. This would in turn make them more caring and loving. Too much distrust would breed pressure and when it becomes too much, the fear might become real.

Companiate Love

Obsession could make us demand the unreasonable. Love is unreasonable but that is only for the first phase of love which is passionate love. After a certain period it would evolve into companiate love. The first phase is when the feelings are out of control where everything is perfect and seems so unreal. This stage is short and unstable. Obsession is situated here. For a relationship to last long, love needs to be brought into the next stage. Rationality and further consideration of reality is included. If our partner isn’t as passionate as us where every decision is made through considerations and we don’t always end up as the first, let’s be grateful that he/she really treasures this relationship. Handling the relationship this way would make it stronger and protect it from emotional impulses and the cruelty of reality. May you experience a great love.