Dedication to a friend

This blog is dedicated to a friend whom I always neglect.

I have a friend who is probably my first friend since primary. It has been 11 years now since I knew him. Perhaps, I have been taking this hard-built friendship for granted; something which I have been regretting but still couldn’t muster enough courage to admit it. Before I say anything, I would like to list out every wrong which I could recall.

I am at fault for being lazy to start up a conversation even when you are there eager to chat. I am wrong for taking your friendship for granted without even showing the appreciation it deserves. You definitely don’t deserve that. I am not treating you fairly whenever I raise my voice over some small matters which really aren’t that much of a big deal, especially when I wouldn’t do the same to others. I do realize that but it somehow became a habit of mine, a habit which shouldn’t even exist. Just because you are an old friend of mine doesn’t mean that I am allowed to get impatient at you when I am usually not like that with other people.

It is not that I have never seen you in a good light before. The absence of patience always manages to fuel my insolence. You are a sincere friend, one who really cares for your friends with all his heart. Everyone is treated equally with care. Why couldn’t I be like that? Why do I always place different priorities even among friends? The word honesty belongs to you. You are always honest with us and would speak out your mind about what you think and feel. The group couldn’t be lively without your presence. Joy and laughter trails behind you wherever you go. I really do appreciate the fun you brought to us even though I might not be laughing, I might be biting my inner cheeks without you guys realizing it.

There is another thing which I deeply regret…. That is to expect so much out of you. Sometimes I might be harsh; I might even blabber out unpleasant words at you. I believe that pressure would have either one of the two effects on men. One is that the man would succumb to pressure and fall, hopes and dreams shattered while the other is the man would strive, working ever so harder to accomplish his aims and goals, fortifying his dreams and hopes. The latter, could reach for the stars if he wanted to. I sincerely hope that you are not the former. However, I am at fault, for I have never taken into accounts of your feelings and I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve.

I am not perfect yet I am expecting you to be perfect. Why should I be doing that when you are just being yourself, learning at your own pace. I found within myself that you are a partial reflection of my past self. I noticed that you did many things which I had done a while ago. I really don’t want you to repeat my own mistakes but I end up criticizing a lot of what you did. I learned about my own mistakes after some deep thought. Now, why couldn’t I just place some much needed trust on you and believe that you can learn about it yourself. You do not need a nanny by your side right? You are a man and a friend whom I trust, one who can reason, think and learn from your own experience, at your own pace….

I do not know how you would find this entry. Maybe I am cold and harsh, and for that I apologize. The external layers of cold dead skin cells wouldn't cover my warm hope for you, would it? Today, I know about your dream and ambition. Why don’t you go find out more about it and plan out your path? Wouldn’t that make your future path easier and more perceivable? Remember not to back down from obstacles but to embrace it and never let anyone say NO, you can’t do it, not even me. People say that because they themselves couldn’t but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t. (You know where I got this quote: P) When you have an aim, you would be like a plane flying towards a destination, there might be turbulences at times but you would still reach it. Work Hard my friend and sorry for being a bad friend that I have been.