My Height

Most of my friends around me are quite tall by my standards. Oh come on, when you are this short, everyone around you seems like they are a giant-. - Just by standing near them would make me feel so damn inferior. You tall guys might never felt it this way but try to imagine yourself as a shorty among the giants. The feeling is so tormenting, like a small house being surrounded by skyscrapers. The cute little house would feel isolated and lonely that way. That's not all. When they are talking, they are looking down at you, assuming a superior stance. You have to look up to them as if they are your boss, feeling so small of yourself, not to mention the strain in the neck when you are talking with them for hours. Besides talking with them, you have to consider walking with them too. Being short, you have to walk 1.2 times as fast as them to be able to catch up. (the magnitude is inversely proportional with your shortness) What's worse, an article by Cosmopolitan Magazine states that women are most attracted to males 1.1 times of their own height. Women usually desire men of at least their own height too.

WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FATE!?

I'm praying that I'm a late bloomer and that my growth hasn't been activated yet:P I'm aiming for 181cm EVEN IF IT CAN ONLY BE FULFILLED IN MY DREAMS :P

MAY MY HEIGHT BE HIAO

PS: I know I know- .- height doesn't determine everything. I'm just trying to write some stuff and well I believe these are some problems faced by people like me.

DEFEAT

The SPM results came out today and I performed well below my own expectations. With my innate responsibility avoidance skills, I can find countless excuses for my disastrous performance. But I don't think that's what I should be seeking. I'm thinking over currently. Ever since I saw my results my whole inner emotions are like so calm.... The sort of calm before a storm, the calm where you know something is wrong somewhere, the calm with a blend of emptiness and loneliness. What can I say for myself? Did I really hate those subjects until I can't spend more effort on them? Or was it because I was assured of the path which I wished to take that I let it go? Somehow I felt that I'm missing something... That I didn't fight along with my friends or did I? I myself couldn't give a definite answer. Did I commit myself to it definitely anyway....?

One can learn more from defeat than victory. The loser has more to learn as he needs to learn more. I have to admit, people around me really did work a lot harder than me. The sign of my school position that has dropped is probably a reflection my complacency. How much have I rot to reach this? Ignoring subjects I hate as if it's a cool thing to do and only focus on what I like. Is that cool or childish? Or is it because I know it is of no use to me?

I have always believe that I can control my emotions. However, the experience lately with the way I anticipate events with sweat and an accelerated heart beat expresses otherwise. And the aftermath of this result taking event shows the best I can do is to shut down my emotions. Hollowing out the inside with no feelings of disappointment and sadness or whatsoever. It's like a hollow shell, so empty yet eager, shouting out to be filled. How long would this emotional shutdown persist I cannot answer nor do I have a reason to. The feeling of flushing the hopes of others down the toilet is probably the worst. To plunder something that belongs to myself only has a cost to be paid by myself but to destroy others' hopes is really what I don't want to do but I did it. It might be a long time before I did be able to redeem myself. Until then.....

I just need to STAND UP, GIVE MYSELF TWO SLAPS ON THE FACE, THROW THIS DARK HISTORY BEHIND ME AND MOVE ON. IT'S TIME THAT SOMETHING HIT ME HARD IN THE FACE. IT'S TIME THAT I WAKE UP FROM MY DEEP SLUMBER. IT'S HIGH TIME THAT I SHOULD FIGHT THE WAY I BELIEVE I SHOULD FIGHT. NO MORE PITIFUL EXCUSES BUT JUST PLAIN AND EFFECTIVE ACTION.

My Feelings....

MY FEELINGS

Seeing you from afar, is ever so delightful and promising... It seems like a light of hope, a beacon which carries excitement. You always fuel my eagerness and anxiety, making me willingly, giving you my all...

When you look so plain yet approachable or when you seem to be in a deep thought and distant, the various faces you exposed...... It tickles my desire, driving me passionately to seek to learn more about you, to know you more...... Even though I never so much understand you, I still want to... The more I learn about you the more I realized...... I still know so little about you. The meager knowledge, comparable to my puny existence.

If I ever get the opportunity to get closer, to the love of my dreams... you... I would hold you so dearly and tightly. Letting you go, I'm reluctant or unwilling. To caress the shy and adorable you is what I would love to do. Ever since I know you, you are always so, reserved and hesitating to open yourself. How I fear that I would stress you when I'm trying to open you up, to know you more... Even then, I still thought of embracing you...

Close to my face, your subtle scent.... is alluring... The freshness invigorates my deadened soul, energized to study you more closely. More distance removed allow me to study another side of you despite not removing the wall from understanding you deeper, yet I'm still so happy to know you more....

FOR MY BOOK

My blood type

It's been a while since the last post. Please don't blame me for not posting as I usually write my blog during exams when I can't do anything except to sleep. During SPM, I was not allowed to bring any papers out so it would be pointless to write. For the pass months, I have been slacking so there isn't any updates being made until that FREAKING SOONY RANK ME AS PRIVATE (the lowest among all his rank) for my inactiveness.

So now I'm back. I have decided to blog on my blood type. I heard that it is very popular in Japan. They believe that it determines your personality and I find it quite accurate. So I think I shall blog a bit on it. Hope you guys will like it.

According to a website I found on the net, people of my blood type has the following negative traits. I'm unforgiving, easily offended, too conservative, nitpicker, hard to know and is a PLAYBOY!!!! The last one came as a shock though :P but shall elaborate on that later.

Unforgiving: Good luck to all my friends:P Now I'm posting this online to notify everyone that I'm an unforgiving devil. So be sure not to step on my tail or you guys will regret it. My supposed trait would be that I remember every single BAD thing you guys did to me and I shall remember it FOREVA. For those who would like to apologize soon can post it on the comments. :P

Easily Offended: This trait is probably what makes the previous trait DEADLY. By complementing each other, It means you guys have plenty of opportunities to OFFEND me and be marked under my “to be revenged” list.:P

Too Conservative: Come on-.- I am so updated with the latest ... ... ar... GAMES, ya games. Don't say that i'm only updated with games cause i'm also quite up to the latest stuff such as ... many things which I can't possibly list ~~~ Does that make me conservative ? Of course not, right? My friends called me uncle but that doesn't mean an uncle is a conservative folk.

Nitpicker: Am I really a nitpicker- .- I don't find myself complaining much though honestly- .-

Hard to know: Well, the people who called me uncle can predict me inside out- .-

PLAYBOY: OMG, I'm the 17+ who never even have a girlfriend before. Now if this were to be my personality I really don't know d :P

The first two might be true in a way but the rest I think I need you guys to verify it for me. So please post more on the comments on what you guys think :P KUM SIAH

PS: This post is drafted earlier than the previous post

A fear which might not be realized until it is too late

A fear which might not be realized until it is too late.

18 years of life passed by. I believe that we are on the verge of flipping the most exciting chapter of our lives. Amidst the rumble and buzz of our newfound freedom, are conducive circumstances for clouding our eyes from the less discernible. I hope that this post can lay away the fear of my best friend and to prevent my readers( YEAH I know, damn little) from missing something important.

Our lives during tertiary education are bound to be very colourful and flavourful. We might be so damn busy with our assignments and lectures that we “don't” have time for everything. Or, we might be free, enjoying ourselves while studying as we don't have that much assignments as compared to our secondary school life. In the case of the latter, we might just stack more entertainment into it and be “busy” again.

The subtle things which we might miss are about our parents. By being released from the chains that have binded us since small, we might step into a trap of filling our lives with too much work or entertainment. Perhaps one might say that work (assignments, lectures, etc) is inevitable but then again it doesn't mean that we ought to be completely overwhelmed by it. Nobody should be so busy with work that he/she could not set aside some time for their parents Likewise, entertainment should not displace its place either.

Time feeds and excretes ever so slowly, making it slow for us to realize what it consumed and spit. Youths are digested and experiences are formed. That's the equation when we apply the concept of time to us. Since we are still “young”, our youth reserves are still abundant, enabling us to convert it to experiences that we seek and thrown upon us. On the other facet of the present, it creeps, little by little, devouring the ages of our parents while succumbing us to the ecstasy it bestowed upon us. We are given the pleasures of achieving what we seek while it spits only signs of old age to the seasoned.

What we should be aware is that we desire a life without regrets, to be able to look back later in life and not ask the question :” If only I had .....”. Let's not be too busy with our new lives and only find the time to communicate with our parents once in a blue moon. We know that they care for us and that's why it should be reciprocated. Merely spending an hour or two with them in a week is enough to make them feel and look younger. They fought for their dreams and hopes in their prime and now we became their current dreams and hopes. Life without it is dull and dead, let's not rob them of it knowing that they cared. Remember to love them while and whenever you can. They don't demand much, just a little time and patience..... That makes all the difference.