Hiaoism (Relationship)

A Little Thought on Relationships (V 2.0)

By some little idiot who has never been in a relationship.

DILEMMA

Which would you choose if you were forced to decide between your girlfriend and an important event of someone you respect? This tough question was plaguing my friend’s head when he was having his SPM trial.

SELF

It is perceptible that when we have a person, we would like to have him/her/it (so what, I LOVE my PS3 ma) all to ourselves. We wanted a position beyond others and to be cherished before others. But could we take away their water? Before meeting him or her, they have been living in their own way and in their own environment. Their charm and self which attracted us was cultivated and nurtured in that environment. If we were to demand they leave their way and environment in the name of love, what would happen? Their real self would become denatured and they would feel depressed. The charm and self that once were a magnet to us becomes demagnetized. We would lose our beloved and they, their freedom. If too much obsession was placed and a rebellion was incurred, both would just lose each other.

TRUST

Obsession stems from distrust and feelings of insecurity. It is also a concoction of excessive love. Only when one loves too deeply and is unwilling to lose the loved does one becomes obsessed. It is a mechanism to protect ourselves but it actually brings more harm than good. If trust doesn’t flow freely between the two, pressure would manifest itself. The sweetness we felt when we are wondering what the other is doing would turn into strain and anxiety. Instead of imagining of the other with thoughts of love, questions such as “Is he cheating on me? Does he even care about me?” would surface. Should we suffer and lose the feelings we sought? No matter emotionally or rationally, it is just not worth it. Whether feelings of insecurity are necessary is dependant on your own self esteem and the trustworthiness of your partner. The attractive men and women are the confident ones. If we can’t even be confident with ourselves, how are we supposed to retain that charm? Just go to the mirror and ask yourself, “What are my strong points?” without being too critical and you would discover many. Isn’t that enough of a reason to be confident of yourself? As I’m one who promotes trust, I think it should be given. Trust is like an investment and it would make the other feel comfortable. It feeds on their self esteem as they are being trusted. This would in turn make them more caring and loving. Too much distrust would breed pressure and when it becomes too much, the fear might become real.

Companiate Love

Obsession could make us demand the unreasonable. Love is unreasonable but that is only for the first phase of love which is passionate love. After a certain period it would evolve into companiate love. The first phase is when the feelings are out of control where everything is perfect and seems so unreal. This stage is short and unstable. Obsession is situated here. For a relationship to last long, love needs to be brought into the next stage. Rationality and further consideration of reality is included. If our partner isn’t as passionate as us where every decision is made through considerations and we don’t always end up as the first, let’s be grateful that he/she really treasures this relationship. Handling the relationship this way would make it stronger and protect it from emotional impulses and the cruelty of reality. May you experience a great love.

When i'm lonely

Every night you are there waiting to be hugged. You are there whenever my heart is cut. Never retreat nor complain, you are there as always. I love you for who you are. You provide the comfort to my soul and you never back away. You are always there……

Whenever I felt alone, you are always the one to sooth my heart. I really cherish you for what you have done. Will we always be together?

Any feelings are never too much to be shared with you. Any thoughts can always be talked to you. You are the only you……

Throughout the night we hugged each other, your legs and mine are crossed together, we kissed each other. The warmth of your care is engraved within my soul, I longed for it everyday but the time we have together ends too soon. It ends just too soon……

My bolster, I LAP you T.T

Ever wonder why there are more people using bolster in Asia than the West? Perhaps there are more lonely old fart like me=p

The title for this is a bolster for a lonely old fart

Of Blaming the World or Ourselves

Of Blaming the World or Ourselves

There are times when unpleasant circumstances knock on our doors, times when roadblocks are set up on the path we stroll or times when things just ain’t going well. We sweat, fret and swear at these uninvited visitors who ruin our plans and embedding troubles into our lives. We hate them. They are not welcomed in our lives. It would be so much better if someone could invent some plasma blaster and send them flying to the end of the world, as far from us as possible. However, that is just wishful thinking. It’s similar to launching a rock into the air as it would fall down on us eventually. We cannot hide from it for if we do they would just snowball into something bigger.

It appears that there are people who discovered another way though, which is by aiming the rock at someone or something else. That move would lift away the guilt, “If it ain’t I who caused it there’s nothing I could do about it, right?” The answer is both right and wrong. It is right if your sole aim is to dispel the guilt. It is right if you are an ignorant fool. It is right if you want your very problem to STAY there without being solved, collecting dust. The fact that how much easier it is to blame others for everything is undeniably and absolutely true. But it is also the truth that blaming someone or something else would do the situation no good. If someone is blamed for a fault, two reactions would be triggered, a defense reaction and a chain reaction. The assaulted would not take responsibility and pass the baton (blame) to another person. If you are lucky and I mean really lucky, you might find a scapegoat or a super kind person who might be willing to clean up your dirt and shit. But believe me, that is exactly what I would call a best case scenario with a very VERY low possibility. If the blame were to be “crowned” on something, be it abstract or concrete, the problem would just be there forever and ever. Imagine you are that something. How would you feel if you are blamed and cursed by what made you the way you are? If the lifeless beings which we blame are sentient, I would bet that they are suffering from severe depression. (Let’s not sway to philosophy and discuss whether they are really lifeless. I doubt my intellect capability has reached that level)

For starters, let’s stop complaining about the world being unfair, the world is against us etc. We might not be the brightest, smartest, most well liked, prettiest or whatever but we are definitely not the worst off either. Awareness of those far worse off than us is present yet not strong enough due to the relative distance. It is precisely because we are not the best that we strive to be the best, because we can’t acquire a strength we would like that we worked hard to compensate by seeking another. These are what which gave us an interesting life, a life to work on, cherish and laugh proudly about it. They painted the dull world with colours so that you and I would not be struck by boredom overload. Humans are weak. We can’t have too much of anything, good or bad, they are the same. They need to switch over and over again like a wave pattern so that we can taste the other more. The sweet became sweeter and rekindles our hope to taste it; the bitter is harsh after some sweet moments but we grew stronger from it and become more ready to face another blow with courage and strength. We need a ray of light to cling on to, a hope to long for and to pursue.

Well, you might say that it really isn’t your fault, the society or environment which you are in caused it. Right, that might be the case. Maybe you are in a place where everything seems so wrong. Even so, just because 90% of everything went wrong, it doesn’t mean that we cannot get the remaining 10% right. I believe that environment can affect us but we are responsible for who we are. Which one is easier, to change yourself or to change the society or the environment? You can attempt to change the society forcefully but don’t be shocked when you get hit back by its resistance. We tend to resist changes, especially when we are satisfied with our present situation. Am I indicating that we should leave the unfavourable situation as it is, even when there’s obviously a problem with it? NO, that’s not what I’m suggesting. When I say “blame”, there’s a negative connotation to it. It means holding others responsible for a fault you had a hand in causing. Identifying the problem with society is what enables it to move forward. But before we do that, let’s make sure we are not the ones who contributed to the predicament. Let’s be worthy to criticize.

What I’m suggesting is that we take some time to look through everything. Take a deep breath, count to three and look into the magic mirror, try to check whether you have overlooked anything. Ask questions like is it really the other party’s fault? Is it really completely their fault? Isn’t there anything you could do which might change the outcome even if the fault is at the other side? Is there a wrong on my part? There’s a tendency to obtain the same conclusion regarding a situation if we think from the same angle. We might even be clouded from the obvious when there’s emotional upheaval within us. Our thoughts are different, it alters through various factors such as time and mood. A space of opinion towards anything should be reserved at all times.

Ok lo…… if you all want to say that I also complain a lot and say that I’m not worthy to write about it…. I admit it =p

Cry when You have to, But Keep on Moving

Cry when You have to, But Keep on Moving

Even the strongest steel would bend under pressure, what are we fragile humans supposed to do? Stress, be it emotional, physical or environmental, we are bound to feel it. We can hide, but it would sniff us out for we are its prey. An efficient predator it is, reach us it will. Creeping slowly in the shadows, stealth and undetectable is stress’ ways. The good it brought shall not be sought, at least, in this post.

A good friend of mine is now being perturbed by this wretched menace. The post is dedicated to that friend. Indeed, I did not exactly get the source of your agitation nor do I believe you are immature to think through the problem. This post is written with a simple function-encouragement.

Cry when you have to buddy, but keep on moving. When you are tired and do not feel like taking another step, rest but don’t stop after that. A pit stop is essential, it revitalizes you, energizes you and informs you that you are one stop closer to your goal.

Sometimes you feel that you are having the weight of the whole world or perhaps your world under your small pair of shoulders. Do not falter. Disheartened you might feel but the path of approaching it is no different. One by one they are done, not slower nor faster, just more work to be done. When you are not feeling like doing what you deem uninteresting, shove it aside. There are some which you like, right? When you are down, do what you prefer and what you think you would be doing in the future. When you are feeling good and a little pointless work would not bring you down, do the petty work. If your emotions are at the base of the canyon, with tears at the brink of bursting, don’t hold it. You can pour it here or you can pour it there for you have friends everywhere. Keep on moving, buddy.