Sat idly one winter Sunday night while listening to the winds slamming the apartment. The winter here became warmer for a period, only to rise in its ferocity, maiming the unnoticed. Having a dysfunctional heater did help initially, to create the illusion that something is being done. But how long can the sense be cheated of the warmth it deserved?
Before coming here, I never believed that I would get sentimental. I don't think that I would ever miss home. I have heard of people going overseas and cried for the first few weeks or months. I came here and settled down without so much as shedding a tear. I have always believed that indulging in feelings, as in, to let yourself cry is just a sign of weakness. Independence is a virtue held highly within our society. Especially required of male is the image reflecting strength, we hailed it as what consist a man.
But isn't the human body efficient in dispelling what it needed to? Just like how the composites of absorbed substances is expelled through strenuous muscle movements, the way snots arouse the fingers to work or when an uninvited guest makes their entrances only to be blew away by the royal guards. Why do tears have to be held up when everything else can be exited, with assistance. It is not without reason that a feeling of euphoria is achieved when these are executed. It's the body's way of telling what should be rewarded.
Or maybe I was lying. I have actually been of the opinion that men should cry instead of withholding it. This thought is further reinforced after reading a book called I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real. It's just that I never felt like crying.
However, on the day of my second departure to Japan... I cried.... Well, nobody came to the airport so no one could possibly see it. But even if anyone did come, they probably couldn't. I only let it flew when I turned my back on the people seeing me off. I wonder for how long would they stay healthy and when I come back would everything remain as it was. The fact that I cried startled even myself. I didn't cry on my first departure but rather on my second. Perhaps it's probably because that I finished my exam and have too much leisure in my mind? A mind as idle as mine now allows for space to be sentimental.
Somehow, I felt that everything is felt more deeply when I am too free. Instead of flowing through everything like a stream through the riverbank, now it felt like water droplets dripping upon a rough surface. I kind of appreciate things more I guess. Just lying on the wall in a ''cool'' posture and pretending to be looking at something while have your thoughts flow freely. Time pass faster this way than me reading a book in the train, sometimes. And the best part is letting others think that this guy is thinking VERY DEEP THOUGHTS. Imagine the looks on their faces and the thoughts in their brain :p
Being an only child who has lived in the same room with his parents since young, I like to do something before I sleep, which is to chat with my parents before dozing off into dreamland. But I hardly do that since I don't know when. I don't have any brothers or sisters to talk with me before sleeping either. So sometimes I really like apartment stays when I can do that with my friends. But you can't have that frequently anyway. Thus, I was quite happy to have a roommate to do that with now but I'm moving out alone. I even think of switching on my mic and webcam on my computer to do it with any friends but I guess it's pointless. (besides it would be damn weird)
That's what about me lately I guess- .- Going to have a freaking English and Japanese exam soon. If I'm good I can skip those classes to which I wonder if I can. AND EVERYONE PLEASE DON'T JUST USE THE SHOUTBOX, PUT SOME COMMENTS ON THE POSTS LA :P
